I have this thing about gym locker rooms. It's the old guys. It's the old guys that just hang around naked - ALL DAY!
When I was first out of college, I joined an athletic club for the first time. The day I toured the club before I joined, I noticed a group of naked men in the locker room. They were in the whirl pool, in the steam room, in the hot tubs, sitting at card tables playing poker. And, yes they were all naked. After I joined, I swear the same old naked guys were in the locker room everyday. They never left, and I never once saw them working out. They would come in each day, get naked, and hang around the gym locker room. It creeped me out so bad, that I stopped using the locker room, and would change and shower at home instead. Which, I guess is what they wanted.
Well, anyway, When Amy and I joined the new Y, my immediate concern was when the ugly old naked guys would move in. That was this week.
Everyday, the same Ugly Naked Guy has been haunting the locker room. He sits on the stools and benches naked with his bare ass grinding away. Everday, he walks around naked, doing nothing!
What makes this worse, is that he's a naked talker. He constantly engages complete strangers in conversation. Yesterday, he cornered another Y-goer in the back stretch of lockers in a conversation about putting shirts on after a shower.
"How did you do that?," Ugly Naked Guy questionned. The poor guy had nowhere to go. The exit was blocked.
"When I put mine on, it always stick right there," he added turning, stretching to point to a spot in the middle of his back. You know... The spot you can't reach. And, of course, as Ugly Naked Guy demonstrated, the scene only worsened.
Today, I was assaulted by Ugly Naked Guy. As I changed into my Speedo for my swim, he bolted out the door of the sauna, sack swaying, and breathless. In a manner much unlike his age and body suggested, he blocked my exit from locker room, and in one swift motion grabbed the top of my skin tight suit, pulled back, and asked "Where did you get that thing? I've been wanting one just like it."
I was speechless. First, I was mere inches from being exposed by a complete stranger. You just dont go around grabbing people's bathing suits. Do you?? Second, I had no idea he was even around. I though the caost was clear. Lastly, I was frightened by the possibility of seeing him in a Speedo, too!
To make a long story short, Why is it that every locker room is over run by hordes of naked old guys with nothing better to do, than hang around naked?
Really, something must be done.
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5 comments:
Dude, I feel for ya, thats just nasty. My first thought was maybe hang some porn or something just to show this aint no dude show, but that might backfire real quick if old naked guy gets horny, definatley dont want to go there. But, maybe, just maybe if you took it one step at a time and aimed to stop the naked bench grinding, (lol, dang) bring you a habenara pepper and rub that sucker on the seat I guarantee ya it will light um up and send him back to the shower where nakedness belongs. Good luck !
Thank you for taking my request. I almost choked on my ice-cream sandwich I laughed so hard.
Seriously... if a man get's close enough to touch me and extends his hand towards me I'm probablly going to deck him even if he's over 65. Self defense alarms should go off if someone gets inside your reach.
That's what you get for sporting a speedo though, you're just asking for it ;) It's like wearing a miniskirt to a construction site.
I think the YMCA pays these people. I'm not sure why, but when I worked out at the LA Fitness for a while, this was not an issue. The company I used to work for provided Y-memberships to the employees, and every time I'd go there, there would be naked old men.
And you're right, I didn't recognize them out and about with clothes on. One naked guy would weigh himself on the scale; another naked guy would walk around toweling himself off, and when he'd see one of his buddies he'd say "Hey! Tom's here!" with outstretched arms around the towel. (At least that's the way I saw it in my head, since I refused to look in their direction)
The biggest concern I had was, is this what's going to happen to me when I get old? Is it a generational issue, or just that when you get old, you don't care anymore, and you'd just like to be naked with each other. God I hope not.
There are so many things that have run through my mind. Ugly naked guy on Friends, a girl I used to work with who complained about a woman who hung around her locker room in a bra and no underpants, and the smelly gyms at NC State, and how scary it must be to see your prof hanging out naked in the locker room. One thing is for certain. If I've ever been timid about going into a men's locker room before, that is nothing to the fear I am now feeling.
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